Wednesday, February 19, 2003

War-jitters got ya down? (or up, depending on what you're into.)

Well sit back, relax and enjoy because

It's Non Political Humor Time!

Pennsylvanian Notes (inspired by Sean-Paul's Texan Notes)

Hey youze guyz: (or yunz guyz if you're from Pittsburgh, but seriously, Pitt is full of Philly posers) This is the list of rules that apply when entering the Great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

* Coming to PA? Check your shocks. Unless it's wintertime, then don't worry about it. The potholes are filled with snow.

* It's pronounced LANG-kist-er. Not Lan-CAST-er. And it's also pronounced LEB-nin, not LEB-a-non.

*The word forever has been and forever will be pronounced "wooder."

*You don't order "subs." They're called hoagies.

*WE ARE (CLAP CLAP) PENN STATE!

*Road salt is for wimps. In Pennsylvania, we use cinders.

*We're progressive here in Pennsylvania. We elect pro-life Democrats and pro-choice Republicans. Rendell is just a fluke.

*The mere mention of snow in the forecast causes an uncontrollable and inexplicable urge to buy milk and bread. Trust me. I went out in the driving blizzard Sunday to get bread and milk, and it wasn't even for me!

* The beer is Yuengling and Rolling Rock. All others are secondary.

*The Pennsylvania Merge is complex and hard for outsiders to understand. Bascially, it involves slowing down at the end of an on-ramp to merge into traffic on the Turnpike or any other highway. Please respect this, because if there's an accident...you should have known that there was Pennsylvania Merging taking place.

* The word always has been and forever shall be pronounced "churry."

*Schuylkill is pronounced "SKOO-KILL". It's an expressway(where there's lots of Pennsylvania merging), a river, and a county.

*MMmmmmm....fashnachts. By the way, we fry them in lard. That's the way they should be made.

*A real cheesesteak is served on an Amoroso roll. And if you're not having chest pains after eating one, it wasn't a good cheesesteak.

*Directions to Intercourse? Well, from where I am, you hop on 30 East (yes, you have to do the Pennsylvania Merge), then get off at Rt. 340 . . .

*Mmmmmmmmmm . . . . Scrapple.

*We hoover in Pennsylvania. We don't vacuum.

*Pittsburgh is "out west" in Pennsylvania.

* Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm... venison.

*It's called pop. Not soda. Unless you're from Philly, then you're already weird.

* "And in Delaware County... 443, 444, 445, 446, 446, 448, 449, 450, 451, 453, 454, 455, 456 . . . " (Those who know about KYW NewsRadio 1060 will know all about this one...those who know which district represents the missing number will really appreciate it too.) And if you miss your number, you'll have to wait another half-hour to hear it again because every town has its own school district.

*A foot of snow? Pshaw...snow flurries. Even then, should I go get some bread? What about milk? Oh god, that feeling is back!

* Hold this awhile, would ya?

*20 degrees is just a tad chilly. That's when you turn the heat on.

*We call Pennsylvania, PA. You should too.





No comments: