Tuesday, February 28, 2006


Some things do boggle my mind. The statistics on marriage in this country aren't good. About half fail. There's some regional variation around the country but it works out to about half. Yet for some reason 19 state legislatures find that the very chance that a very small minority of their citizens may decide that they would like to marry (or have the legal equivilance) and/or adopt constitutes a constitutional crisis. 89 Pennsylvania legislators seem to think this is a zarky idea. I call it "Operation Distract And Divide The Voters So They Forget About Us Stealing Their Money In An Illegal Pay Raise." 'Cause that's really what it is.

I'm positive that some cynical consultant who sees citizens as tools and idiots said to the three or four legislators who introduced this amendment "hey, voters are idiots. Get them to forget your illegal pay raise by stirring up the hate against the homos!" And the legislators, being the horrid individuals that they can be, said "why, that's a SPLENDID idea!"

It would be far more logical to ban things like divorce and make adultery a rather uncomfortable offense if marriage is to be saved. I'll tell ya what, my generation watched our parents get divorced, commit adultery and whatnot and we're all pretty cynical about the whole idea of marriage. And since my generation happens to be a very large demographic bubble (not as large as our parents, as our parents were not as fruitful as their parents were, but a big bubble nonetheless), this institution we call marriage really won't be saved by amending constitutions to deny very small minority groups the right to marry (or the legal equivilent.) In fact from hearing the things I hear, things like "I'ma get me a starter wife/husband and have two boyfriends/girlfriends/f*ckbuddies on the side" and the fact that this seems to be more than common, regardless of political ideology (I could tell you a thing or two about those Republican guys and gals from college) . . . it's pretty clear 19 states have really gone the wrong route with this whole marriage thing.

Just wait 10 years. I'll be saying I told you so. Just watch.

Oh, stay away from the Capitol on Thursday. That evil hate church from Kansas is coming to town to protest. I know it's evil to say, and it's bad for my karma and all, but the sooner G_d makes whatever they use to travel (I believe they own a bus or two) explode or fall off a bridge or steep cliff so we'll all be rid of these people, the better. It's a horrible thing to say, but these people are as evil as the terrorists who hit us on 9/11 (and probably just as fanatical.) In a lighter way, I sometimes wonder if Battlestar Galactica's Cylons weren't modeled off of the Westboro Baptist Church. . . the new series's Cylons being stark raving monothesist fundamentalists.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Marriage: Part 1

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and
I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand
that there will be sex here at 7 o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."


Marriage: Part II

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"


Marriage: Part III

Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed
either," and storms out of the house.

After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"


Marriage: Part IV

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He
is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of
Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, 'Mother of

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."



Marriage: Part V

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5 a.m." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 8 a.m. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5 a.m. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece.